2 Timothy 2:22
So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.
2 Corinthians 6:14
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 1 Corinthians 15:33
Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.Especially remember Proverbs 4:23
Guard your heart above all else,
for it determines the course of your life.How do you Guard Your Heart?
If you are supposed to guard your heart in dating, how do you do it? There is only one other verse in the Bible that uses the phrase ‘guard your heart’, and that verse gives us the answer to the question of how to guard your heart in life in general and in dating in particular.
In Philippians 4:6-7, Paul says, “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Paul tells us that prayer is the pathway to guarding our hearts and minds with the peace of God.
Peace comes as a comfort rooted in our trust in God that is expressed in the process of prayer. So, guarding your heart is the result of clear communication.
It begins with prayer to God (as Paul lays out in Philippians 4:6-7) and overflows into communication with the other person.
The key to guarding your heart is to talk to God about the relationship before you talk to the other person about the relationship.
When do hearts become unguarded?
Hearts become unguarded when you move too fast in the relationship–becoming too vulnerable too quickly. You must lay a foundation of friendship before building a house of intimacy.
Second, hearts become unguarded when you are not seeking God’s desires for the relationship. Instead of depending on your own understanding and priorities for the relationship, you must seek God’s heart.
Third, hearts become unguarded when there is poor communication about the relationship. This can include poor communication with God in prayer or poor communication with the other person in discussion. If you are too afraid to talk to either of them about an aspect of your relationship, then you probably shouldn’t be involved in it.
Why do you Guard Your Heart?
To understand why you should guard your heart, you must understand what Israel would have understood Solomon to be saying in Proverbs 4:23. Most importantly, they did not understand this passage to have anything to do with Americanized dating. While we view the heart as the seat of our emotions and our will, Israel understood the heart to be the center of the whole person–not just the source of emotions and will but also of wisdom and perspective. In essence, the heart referred to who you are as a person.
Solomon rightly realized that what you do flows from who you are. That’s why he instructs Israel to guard the heart (who you are) because the wellspring of life (what you do) flows from it. Therefore, it is essential for you to guard your heart in dating because what you do in a dating relationship flows from who you are in a dating relationship.
Most books on dating treat the idea of guarding your heart as if it merely involves protecting yourself from too much intimacy with someone of the opposite sex. But guarding your heart is so much more than this! It’s a call to protect your character in all that you do. You need to catch that vision to make sure your dating life is healthy.
When it comes to guy / girl relationships that go beyond just friends, we’ve got to get it right. Because so many people get it wrong and it ends up crippling so many emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
Things GIRLS wish GUYS knew about dating:
- Guys – the ladies want to be your girlfriend, not your mother.
- Guys – the ladies want YOU to take the lead. Do the date planning, lead the way, be assertive and know what’s going on – they DON’T want a mamma’s boy that they have to lead, coddle along, pick up after and manage…
If you have to end up being his mamma – drop him.
- Guys – tell the ladies what you appreciate about them, but don’t focus primarily on their appearance.
- Guys – it’s about who these ladies are… not about how they look. Sure, they want to look good, but they gain all sorts of confidence when they are noticed and affirmed for who they are beyond the outer appearance.
If he can’t compliment you past what you look like … shallow… drop him.
- Guys – be a man. Don’t be a player.
- You have a responsibility to help guard the young lady’s heart. If the relationship isn’t going anywhere or if your feelings change, be good enough to not let it drag out… talk it out, and end it before it goes further.
- Be clear about your intentions and refuse to play emotional games.
- Girls hearts get tied up a lot quicker than guys do – you’re a real man when you have the guts to make it your responsibility to guard her heart.
If he’s keeping you on a leash while running around with other girls… drop him.
- Guys – set yourself apart from all the other guys they’ve dated – control yourself.
- First and foremost – she needs to be treated like a princess and not a call girl. Because she IS a princess – she’s a daughter of the King.
- In a dating relationship, strength is having your character be more powerful than you hormones.
- When you push too far physically, it’s not love. It’s selfish. You’re in it to get what you want – and you disrespect and devalue her.
- When you control yourself and treat her with the respect she deserves, you become the guy every girl is looking for.
- Guys – the most attractive thing you can ever be is a man full of Godly character, guts, and integrity.
- You’re not expected to be perfect – but if you’re going to enter the arena of a relationship, you are expected to step up.
- Lead spiritually
- Guard your heart and her heart
- Walk with integrity
- Treat her how she should be treated
- Be committed to growing closer to God
- When you do that – you stand head and shoulders above the crowd.
Things GUYS wish GIRLS knew about dating:
- Ladies – help a guy out in their battle against lust.
- In your relationships – help, don’t hinder.
- Guys are visual – dress like a lady and respect the guys around you – especially if there is one that you are dating.
- Hey ladies – guys really do want to win the battle – even if sometimes it seems like they shut their brains off. Help them be men of purity and integrity – they need you to.
- Guys NEED modesty from girls, even if they don’t always act like they want it.
- Ladies – the less you date, the more attractive you are to the right guys.
- When you’ve dated the whole basketball team and half of the grade ahead of you, hate to say it… it comes across as cheap and easy. The right guys are looking for a girl that is confident, classy, has high standards…
- When you concentrate on being the right girl – you attract the right guy.
- How do you become the right girl? Start with having the 2 main relationships in you life intact – 1)God 2)Yourself.
- When your relationship with God and yourself is right – you know you’re loved, accepted, have purpose, have incredible value, you don’t go looking for it from guys, you don’t try to find acceptance in relationships, you don’t have to go around completing what’s missing in you…
Also – you know what guys love? They want the impression from you that you could date anybody if you WANTED to, but you’re too selective to go out with just ANYBODY.
- Ladies – let the guy initiate and pursue.
- I know that girls chase guys now days… but ladies, when you come on strong, you really come off as desperate.
- Let the guys take the initiative – don’t be so crazy with the calls and the texts… and if a guy isn’t calling you much, the painful truth here is that he’s probably not as interested in you as you are in him…
- Remember this – as the dependency GROWS, the relationship GOES.
- Don’t smother the guy 27/7 – when you come off as emotionally needy or a control freak, or clingy or possessive, guys run. They start feeling caged in, trapped or smothered.
- Give the brother some air – let him spend time with his guy friends.
- Truth be told – YOU need to spend time with your girl friends.
- Ladies – realize that guys and girls communicate on different levels.
- Guy and girls communicate differently.
- Let me explain – when a guy says “I’ve never felt this way about a girl before….”
- What he means is – I didn’t feel these exact same feelings with the last girl I was interested in.
- Here’s what the girl HEARS though – “I’m crazy about you. We are probably soul mates because I’ve never met anyone in the world like you before. I probably need to go buy a wedding magazine and make bridal plans…”
- Here’s another one – when a guy says “I love you…”
- He’s using it in the same sense he would when he’s talking to his mom or the way he feels about football.
- Girls hear – “you are my one and only. You are the queen of my life. I want us to grow old together…”
When a guys says things – he means what he says… just not with the same intensity that a girl takes it.
Here’s a tip – save your “I love you’s”
They’re pretty special.
- Ladies – find your security in Christ, not in a guy.
- Ladies – a guy can’t be Jesus in your life.
- He cant save you. Fix you. Be your everything.
- Seek to become a woman of integrity. Be a girl who makes her relationship with Jesus Christ her primary security.
Never become so preoccupied with who you want that you forget to be who you are.
Do you know who you are?
Do you know that you are loved. Do you know that you are accepted? Do you know that you are forgiven?
Love the topic!
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