Boy meets Girl; Part 1: Friendship

At my youth group, the pastor is preaching on the book: "Boy meets Girl," it was so good and great tips for anyone, not just those who are in a relationship! So I wanted to share it with everyone:)
Here are the notes from the sermon:

Guy / Girls relationships are complicated!  We need some Godly principals to help us navigate what happens when BOY meets GIRL.  

• Let me say this – the best romantic relationships are birthed out of Godly friendships…

• Guy and girls friendships are great.  We can’t avoid the fact that guys and girls are going to be around eachother – but guys and girls are different – so let’s talk about how we need to approach a healthy, Godly friendship between a guy and a girl so things don’t get too complicated…

Let’s lay out some scripture when it comes to friendship:

Friendship is IMPORTANT
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NIV Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
Seek the RIGHT friends.
Proverbs 12:26 NIV A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.
Proverbs also says bad company corrupts good character.

There is POWER in having the right friends
John 15:13 NIV Greater Love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
Proverbs 27:17 NIV As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another
Proverbs17:17 NIV A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity
We have to have friends – and at this point in your lives, the company you keep with forcast your future… so choose wisely.  
Know this:  The 2 most important relationships in your life are 1) your relationship with God, and 2) your relationship with your self.  

• These 2 MUST be healthy.

When you have a relationship with God and know that you’re loved no matter what – it’s the game changer… it allows you to be filled with hope and confidence.  It allows you to be yourself… it allows you to be the godly, loyal friend, the iron sharpening iron.  
When its says no greater love has any one than this, than a man that lays down his life for his friends… know that Jesus modeled that for YOU when he layed down his life on the cross – sacrificing for our sins so that we could have a thriving relationship with God! He died, was buried, raised to life 3 days later – and will be coming again one day – He opened the door for us to be able to life FULL of faith, hope and love!
When we know God loves us and we love Him, it allows us to love us.  That in turn allows us to effectively love others…

Now… here’s the complicated stuff… Guy / Girl friendships… how do we do this right?
Lets start here…
Things GIRLS wish GUYS knew about friendship

1. Guys - Don’t send mixed signals!  Girls analyze EVERYTHING.  If you give a girl mixed signals sometimes that you’re “more than friends…” they’ll probably think you’re interested in them.  This can complicate things – she’ll end up liking you and you’ll have to deal with the situation or she’ll think you like her and she may get weird.  All the brothers – step up, be men that are careful with the ladies emotions and don’t send mixed signals!

2. Guys – Treat your friends that are girls like a sister.  Girls APPRECIATE when a guy watches out for them, has their back and does manly things for them.  Let’s face it – a lot of ladies in the room don’t have close relationships with their dads or brothers – it’s the world we live in… your friends that are girls need YOU to step up and provide a HEALTY guy friendship in their lives.  

• Have pure motives.  Don’t be the guy that does all the nice stuff just to get close to the girl he’s interested in – be a MAN – treat all ladies with respect, dignity
• Here’s a tip – you’ll never be more appealing to a girl than when you’re doing manly stuff – working hard, breaking a sweat, being someone that is SAFE – safe physically, emotionally, spiritually…

3. Guys – don’t treat girls like they’re one of the guys – because they’re not.  She may be your friend, but she’s not one of the bros.  Be tactful with what you say and how you say it.  

• Ladies – Let them treat you like a lady. And EXPECT it from them.  Don’t let a guy treat you like one of the fellas.  Help HIM step his game up by EXPECTING to be treated like the lady you are.  
• Guys – Help them avoid making stupid mistakes with other guys.  Guys know guys.  If he’s a punk that’s going to treat her wrong, tactfully say something.  And don’t go around sabotaging things for the girl you’re secretly interested in either… do it with a PURE motive.

4. Be a true friend, encourage with out getting mushy, and don’t misread the friendship for something more.  

• Be a real friend – not just when you need a research paper done. Or when there’s no one else to talk to.  Don’t make it one sided LISTEN!
• Encourage with out getting mushy – Guys use a lot of sarcasm – drop that with the ladies and encourage.  There’s enough negative stuff in the world and they don’t need more from their guy friends – here’s the deal – don’t get all mushy with it… Guys what YOU may think is sweet… comes off as CREEPY.  
• It leads to the next point…
• GUYS – don’t start reading into everything she does and think the friendship is going somewhere more… just because she laughs at what you say and likes hanging out with you doesn’t mean she wants to date you.  When you start getting weird and mushy… you’ll RUIN it!

5. Guys – be the hope that GODLY MEN really do exist in today’s culture

• Don’t try to be a knight in shining armor – be like Jesus.
• Be full of character, truth and integrity.
• Guard the ladies against the defrauding and cheap things that society tries to throw at them.
• Guys – notice your female friends for the RIGHT reasons.  The GODLY ladies don’t get enough of the shout outs.  Its time we start praising the ladies for being Godly and quit giving the attention to the ones who are selling themselves out.

We live in a broken world full of broken relationships, broken families… give them some HOPE as you step up as a MAN FILLED with the HOLY SPIRIT, Uncompromising, raising the bar, setting the standard high.

That’s what SHE needs from YOU as a friend.

• Be more than a friend that is a Christian, be a Christian friend.
• Step you’re spiritual game up and you’ll look like William Wallace from Braveheart to the ladies.  

Things that GUYS wish GIRLS knew about friendship.

1. Girls – the fellas want you to know that friendship is friendship – nothing more or less.

• Don’t let your mind get carried away and start thinking it’s more than it is… For a guy, nothing ruins a growing friendship quite like a clingy girl that is thinking “we’re falling in love…”
• If you want to run your guy friends off – get clingy and weird, taking your friendship and acting like its almost a dating relationship.
• If a guy wants to make it romantic – let him make the move.

Till then, treat them like a brother.

2. Girls – spare the fellas from the drama queen moments.

• Guys and girls are different – we’re not as emotional, we don’t get that.  And when friendships become a daily script of a soap opera, guys check out.  
• Be a drama queen with the other drama queens.
• Side note – Ladies, if HE is being a drama queen, tell him to stop…

3. Girls – don’t expect guys to read you minds!

• Girls have this built in ESP that God did not give to guys.  Guys are HORRIBLE mind readers.  Half the time we cant read our own minds.
• GUYS are REACTERS, GIRLS are RESPONDERS
• (drop something – guy’s response… oh, cool, there it is…
• Girls response… why is this here, who put it here, how long has this been here, where does it go, ….)
• If you’re upset with a guy, tell him… he probably has no clue…
• Girls – be patient with guys – we’re wired different! We’re a little more concrete and don’t pick up on “vibes” well and we’re not too good with expressing feelings.
• Girls – here’s a tip – when talking to a guy, ask him what he thinks, not how he feels…

4. Laugh, have fun, and be YOURSELF

• Guys like to laugh and have fun.
• Don’t worry so much
• Don’t worry so much about hair/makeup/etc… just be yourself.
• Just be full of life – you’ll be a friend that a guy is PROUD to have.

5. Don’t send mixed signals

• GIRLS – one of the worst things you can do is USE a GUY when you KNOW he’s falling for you.  
• Girls don’t want to be used by guys… so girls don’t use guys either.
• Don’t take advantage of a guy and lead him on, use him to feed a need for attention, fill in lonely gaps or boost your ego…
• GIRLS – help guys become the men of Godliness and character they are meant to be.
• Guys are tough on them selves – especially when they feel like they’ve failed.
• Give them hope by being a Godly woman and look for opportunities to build a guy up when you catch them doing something Christ – like.
• Girls – you have the power of influence.  You can influence guys to do what you want them to do, or you can influence them to be more and more like Jesus.

• Be that Christian friend that is helping the guys in their life to be all that God has called them to be.  
• Guys will honor and respect you for that.
• You’ll be an incredible friend if you do that.

Here’s the bottom line – when it comes to Guy / Girl friendships – both parties need to COMMIT to being GODLY FIRST!

• Ladies – can you be a Godly example of what young lady in today’s culture should be?  Can you help the Guys be the best they can be as men of God?
• Guys – can you commit to being Godly men – full of character and integrity? Can you help the ladies be Godly women and show them the respect they deserve and lead with Godly examples?

• When it comes to Boy meets Girl friendships, lets be GODLY FIRST.
• And when it comes to you personally – remember the 2 most important relationships MUST be your relationship with GOD and your relationship with your SELF.